Well, if you’re gonna get fired, might as well go out with a bang (bang).
Raw General Manager Mick Foley was officially future-endeavored in the opening moments of Raw by Commissioner Stephanie McMahon after he Mr. Socko’d Triple H back to 1999 last week, and the Commissioner made sure to bring the proverbial hammer down as hard as she could: Not only did Triple H force Foley to read a message off of index cards, Stephanie cut off The Hardcore Legend's mic after he tore the cards to pieces and began to lace into the power couple, an interruption that culminated in his firing.
She didn’t have any sympathy for Foley’s locker room allies, either. When Sami Zayn came to protest the Commissioner’s decision, Stephanie immediately placed The Underdog From the Underground into a match with Samoa Joe. Zayn responded by diving over the ropes onto The Destroyer before the bell even rang.
Chris Jericho dropped two bombshells last week: That to him, every male announcer is Tom Phillips, and, more pertinently, that he would expose “the real Kevin Owens” on “The Highlight Reel” this week. Well here it is, maaaannn, and as it turns out, the real Kevin Owens is … a fan! … Maaaannn.
Jericho plastered a picture of a teenage Owens striking a Y2J pose in a Jericho T-shirt all over the TitanTron, followed by a Twitter DM conversation where KO cold-called Jericho for advice after getting signed. All of this led Jericho to promise Owens that KO would experience the unique humiliation of losing to his idol at WrestleMania during their United States Title Match.
But you know what happens when you show Kevin Owens’ childhood photos? You know what happens? He beats you up, that’s what, preferably with an assist from Samoa Joe, who appeared atop the ramp to distract Jericho while KO snuck up from behind and obliterated The Ayatollah of Rock ‘n’ Rolla. Owens laid into his former partner with merciless abandon before tearing The List of Jericho to pieces and hitting his Y2J pose for good measure.
Braun Strowman claimed he wasn’t going to face Roman Reigns on Raw so much as destroy him. It didn’t quite turn out that way.
Granted, The Monster Among Men certainly dished out his share of punishment against the former WWE Champion, finally exorcising the weeks of aggression he’s been harboring since his loss to The Big Dog at WWE Fastlane. After clotheslining Reigns out of the air in the middle of the Drive-By, The Gift of Destruction was off to the races.
But once Reigns had recovered enough to set Strowman up for the Spear, The Undertaker materialized in the middle of the ring and, after a long staredown with Reigns, opted to take out Strowman instead, handing the monster a disqualification win.
The Big Dog quickly pounced with a Spear and departed the ring, but The Phenom sat bolt upright as Reigns made his exit, signifying it’ll take a lot more than that to entomb him in his own yard.
In other action … Samoa Joe def. Sami Zayn … Charlotte Flair def. Dana Brooke … The Brian Kendrick def. TJ Perkins … Nia Jax def. Raw Women’s Champion Bayley to add herself to the Raw Women’s Championship Match at WrestleMania … Triple H laid down his WrestleMania terms for Seth Rollins … Cesaro & Sheamus def. Raw Tag Team Champions Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson and Enzo Amore & Big Cass to retain their place in the Raw Tag Team Championship Match at WrestleMania … and Austin Aries def. Tony Nese.