Maybe you’ve heard a ton of excuses for why the person you’re dating isn’t ready to take the plunge into the next level. And as Temptation Island unfolds week over week, we’re seeing just how putting pressure on your mate can actually push him or her farther away -- rather than bring them closer.
So, what’s that about anyway? When you start to analyze the hurdles of commitment, a startling revelation comes to light -- the people who are adverse to commitment are ultimately the ones left in the dating pool.
To unpack this head-scratcher of a theory, USA Network asked relationship expert Tracy McMillan, author of Why You're Not Married . . . Yet: The Straight Talk You Need to Get the Relationship You Deserve.
"One thing nobody really talks about very much when it comes to dating is attachment style,” said McMillan. “Securely attached people are fine with commitment. They're happy to commit. These are the people who meet in college, get married, and live happily ever after. And guess what? They're not in the dating pool any more.”
In other words, when we’re talking about commitment-phobes, we’re talking about folks at a certain point in life, who -- for various reasons -- haven’t settled down with a mate yet. McMillan explains: “When you start talking about people who are fearful of commitment, they're going to be in the dating pool for a very long time, right? Now, at 30, you can't really tell, because there's still a mix of people who will commit, and people who won't commit. But, by the time you get to 32, 35, some of the people who are unwilling to commit at that age are always going to have a hard time with it. And there's really two different groups -- especially past a certain age. They're apples and oranges. It's more complicated than we make it.”
So, what about the fear that there’s someone better for you out there? Doesn’t that feed into the fear of commitment?
“I think that's about managing your mind, honestly,” McMillan elaborated. “Because it doesn't matter at what point you get married -- 20s, 30s, 40s -- you can always imagine the path not taken, and the grass being greener. That's really not about age. That's about how much fantasy you engage in. And in some people, fantasy can feel good. It can make your day a little brighter. I don't know that it's good for your relationship however.”
Which couples will stay together and which will leave for greener pastures? Find out, as Temptation Island continues Tuesday nights on USA Network!