Itsy Bitsy Spider

"Hold your horses fellas, I drive an Outback, he drives a Forester, a very depressing model"

"I'm afraid of the declining role of the American family, I'm afraid of losing the generational bonds that tie us all together. And rent. I'm really afraid of paying rent."

"I'm a black man John, where I grew up we had so many pit bulls we thought they were squirrels"

"I'm scared of the big things; cancer, terrorism, Ben Affleck being a lousy Batman"

-"You're afraid of midgets?" -"Not the whole midget, just the hands, small and soft like they could just grab you...You'd hardly feel it...like a whisper..."

"There are only 3 things to be genuinely afraid of in this world. One. The Mars Company will stop making Twix, two my ex-wife and three zombies"