Disclaimer: We are absolutely not paid pineapple promoters or in the pocket of Big Pineapple in any way. We’re in this for the love. Pineapple respect.
Hey! Have you noticed? It’s Psych: The Movie season –- also known as the holidays! See the chestnuts roasting. See Jack Frost nipping. See you totally staring down a yuletide Code Red because you’re totally out of gift ideas.
Psych Holiday Pro Tip: the King of Fruits is also this year’s King of Holiday Gifts. It’s colorful, pretty, maybe a little spiky, but packed with delicious flavor and ready to be sliced up for the road. Give one to your Secret Santa this year. If they don’t like it, they can suck iiiiiiiiit, because the pineapple is 2018’s must-have holiday must-have. Here’s why:
1. They’re Friendly
The pineapple is the universal symbol for hospitality. A pineapple says to your friends, “Welcome. We’re glad you’re here. Stay awhile, but don’t confuse that candy with PopPop’s medication.” And it says all this without saying a word, because pineapples can’t talk.
2. They’re Delicious
Lately, we’ve been hearing a lot about the fight over whether pineapple belongs on pizza, but we’re calling bunk on that battle. It’s not whether pineapple belongs on pizza, it’s about whether pizza belongs under pineapple. We’re not taking an official position on that one because pineapples are what dreams taste like, which is why anyone who gets one from you will instantly become your best friend for life. Try it.
3. They’re Pretty
Look around. You see pineapples on couches and pillowcases and purses; in doorways and serving trays and in almost all episodes of a certain beloved TV show. Know why? Because it’s easy on the eyes. Giving someone a pineapple is going to instantly beautify their life, at least until it rots and has to go into the garbage.
4. They’re Fun!
The pineapple is the perfect gift for all your funnest, fun-loving fun friends. It’s the size of a football, so it’s perfect for a chummy game of catch with your boss. You can also rearrange the letters of ‘pineapple’ with your co-workers to form new expressions like plane pipe, alpine pep and ape nipple. See how many more you can come up with! Fun, right? The juice of the pineapple is also an ingredient in invisible ink. Hello, secret messages!
5. They’re Good for Your Brain
Utterly true factoid: the spiky scales on the outside of the pineapple follow the pattern of math’s Fibonacci Series. Look it up, and when you give that special someone a pineapple, ask them to explain the Fibonacci Series to you. If they can’t, then explain it to them. See? You’re talking about math at Christmas and everyone is feeling smarter. Win. Thanks, pineapple!
6. Pineapples Are Portable
Of course it doesn’t fit in a stocking. That’s not the idea. The King of Fruits was invented to go with you wherever you go. It’s like a friend you can slice up and eat. Wait. That didn’t come out right. What we’re really aiming to say is that if you give someone a pineapple, they’ll never be alone! And isn’t that what the holidays are all about?