One captain falls, another rises to take his place. To formally fete Sheamus as WWE World Heavyweight Champion, The New Day summoned all their considerable powers of positivity to throw a bash for the man they totally didn’t abandon in the middle of a Survivor Series match or anything like that. Even though that’s water under the bridge and Sheamus may indeed rock in The New Day’s eyes, Roman Reigns wasn’t going to let the party pass without getting jiggy on his WWE TLC opponent, Superman Punching The Celtic champion from behind and making off with his title. It was good for a laugh, but bad for business, as The Authority decreed he’d have to beat Sheamus in a title match with a 5:15 time limit later in the night. Better make it quick, fella.
Even a gorgeous upset gets the occasional comeuppance. So after Tyler Breeze knocked off Dolph Ziggler at Survivor Series, it was only a matter of time before The Showoff got one over on Prince Pretty in response. The former World Heavyweight Champion got that vindication on Raw, despite an aggressive gameplan from The Sultan of Selfies that weakened both Ziggler’s shoulder and knee in an attempt to take away his high-impact moves. A series of rollup attempts left Breeze vulnerable for a split second and Ziggler capitalized, uncorking a vicious superkick to Breeze’s chin for the 1-2-3.
Lana’s back! And not a moment too soon; she’s already started bailing on-and-off fiancé Rusev out of the odd tight spot like the one Ryback forced him into after storming the couple’s interview on “Miz TV.” For all of Rusev’s promises to break his opponents’ bodies, The Big Guy proved to be a bit too smash-mouth for The Super Athlete. Rusev ultimately took advantage of an accidental injury to The Ravishing Russian and walked out under the pretense of caring for his wife-to-be. How romantic. And convenient.
Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and thou shalt not mess with The Dudley Boyz. But if thou dost it anyway, thou shalt dealeth with Tommy Dreamer on top of it. The most decorated tag team in WWE history brought out their old ECW running mate — toting a trash-can full of implements, no less — to repay The Wyatts for their blasphemous violations of Dudleyville’s commandments last week. Dreamer’s arrival lead to a Six-Man tag between the ECW Originals and The Eater of Worlds’ monstrous flock, and it turns out Dreamer is still a dream in the ring. But after The Wyatts broke up the match, he and The Dudleys turned the CONSOL Energy Center into their own personal house of hardcore by putting The Eater of Worlds himself through the pine. Oh, testify.
Jack Swagger? Hater. The WWE Universe? Haters. Goldust? Oh, he’s definitely a hater, according to Alberto Del Rio, who one-upped the resurgent former Intercontinental Champion despite being bum-rushed by The Bizarre One moments before the opening bell of their tilt on Raw. Even though he was labeled “out of date and full of hate” by The Essence of Excellence, Goldust put up a hell of a fight that was ultimately snuffed out by the big stomp and a post-match Cross Armbreaker that Swagger had to come down and stop.
Maybe New Day does rock. Or at least they’ve got this whole strategy thing down pat. When faced with the option of defending their titles against either The Usos or The Lucha Dragons at WWE TLC, the brothers in positivity instead took Door No. 3 and jumped both teams at once during their No. 1 contenders’ contest. So does that mean The New Day has the night off at TLC? Not so fast, boys.
Is the “B” in “B.A.D.” for “Boss”? It certainly seems to be an appropriate designation following Sasha Banks’ decimation of Brie Bella on Raw. The former Divas Champion came ready for a fight and brought the Daniel Bryan kicks with her, but nothing short of bottled Brie Mode could topple the former NXT Women’s Champion. Sasha toyed with her meal, watched as Tamina superkicked Alicia Fox into oblivion, and once Naomi and Tamina distracted Brie at the moment of truth, chomped down with the Backstabber–Bank Statement combo.
Thanks to his shenanigans during Sheamus’ coronation, Roman Reigns had to beat The Celtic champion in 5:15 or he’d lose his WWE World Heavyweight Championship rematch, The Usos would lose their Tag Team Title opportunity and Dean Ambrose would lose his crack at Kevin Owens’ Intercontinental Championship to boot. Technicalities to the rescue, because The Big Dog did, in fact, topple the champ via disqualification when Sheamus’ newly formed “League of Nations” — King Barrett, Rusev and Alberto Del Rio — broke up the match before he could pin Sheamus in earnest.
“Doing it with Flair” doesn’t just mean doing it with looks and a shock of blond hair, it means winning by any means necessary. That, it seems, was the lesson Paige tried to impart on Becky Lynch on the Raw Pre-Show, and it’s the lesson Maiden Ireland learned after requesting a friendly match against Divas Champion Charlotte in the hopes of tearing the house down. Instead, Lynch fell victim to the oldest trick in “Naitch’s” book when Charlotte feigned an injury to sucker The Lass Kicker in. Reminiscent of her early strategies in NXT, not to mention her old man's, Charlotte sprang with a roll-up once Becky’s guard had gone down to get the win, much to Becky’s shock. Impressive stuff. Ric Flair himself was jittery with joy at ringside. But not for anything, Paige totally called this one.
It’s a good day to be a foreign menace. Not only did Sheamus, King Barrett, Rusev and Alberto Del Rio formally cement their alliance, but they also united with The New Day to beat up their assembled foes in a barnburner main event. The story, unsurprising given the 7-on-3 imbalance, was The League’s numbers game advantage that kept the heroes on their heels from jump and took Jimmy Uso out with a knee injury that WWE medical personnel later deemed to be non-serious. Not even a red-hot Ambrose could swing the momentum in the deciding moments; a massive brawl among the various competitors allowed Sheamus to Brogue Kick The Lunatic Fringe and end the bout. The victory, one-sided as it was, then led to a further beating on Reigns, after which the victors celebrated among their fallen foes in their own personal Pittsburgh Peace Conference. Erin go Bragh. And God Save The Queen. And Русев смаже. And Viva Del Rio. And, of course, New Day rocks.