The winning. The money. The clothes. The banter. All of those ridiculously good-looking people. Who hasn’t watched Suits and fantasized about taking over Harvey’s corner office? Well, Suitors, the firm is once again on the precipice of extinction. And you know what? Maybe that’s not such a bad thing for its employees!
Don’t get us wrong, Suits is everything. But have you ever thought about what it would be like to actually work at PSL? We have, and the challenges are pretty impressive.
Behold, our list of reasons why working at Pearson, Specter, Litt might not be as breezy as it looks:
Someone is always barging into someone else’s office without so much as an “Uh, hey, do you have a minute?” Remember when Louis, Harvey, and Jessica were fighting in Jessica’s office and Anita Gibbs just walked right in? That can’t happen. Let’s tighten things up, people. This is a law firm -- not a Little Caesar’s.
No One Hands You Anything
“When passing anything of an important or sensitive nature to a co-worker, all employees are expected to powerfully slam said materials on their colleague’s desk with the maximum amount of force allowable so as to cause total disruption.” Not an actual excerpt from the firm’s bylaws, but we think it may be in the new employee handbook. Thanks for that file I wanted, Harvey, now can you help me clean up literally every other thing that I was working on?
The Firm Is Constantly Under Assault
If it’s not someone from the outside trying to poach clients or associates, it’s someone on the inside trying push the current partners out so they can put their own name on the wall. This can’t be good for morale. Plus, the amount of money they must pay in stationery and business card printing costs has got to be staggering.
People Are Throwing Full Cakes Into The Garbage
Do you remember this? Do you remember how you felt when you saw that pathetic cake with that sad “Welcome to Team Litt” icing staring up at you from its bed of coffee cups and banana peels? Even worse, that’s like the only time there has ever been cake spotted in the halls of Pearson, Specter, Litt. Walk into any other company that employs more than twenty people and they have cake all the damn time. Birthdays. Holidays. Team-building meetings. There’s so much cake that people start to hate the sight of cake, which is crazy because: it’s CAKE! But at PSL? No cake.
Someone Is Always Crying
Seriously, everywhere you go, someone is breaking down into hysterics. In the bathroom. In the file room. In the copy room. And not just the associates and paralegals -- it’s also the managing partners. Why are they crying? Maybe it’s because someone threw all the cake in the garbage.
What’s With The Mock Trials?
Why is someone interrupting my actual work to make me watch some people who never talk to me play court? I’m going to have to stay late tonight because two guys who make ten times more than me are fighting each other over custody of a pet cat? A CAT?! How is any of this productive?
Vindictive Ex-Employees Come Back to Start Trouble
Remember when Monica Eaton brought that trumped-up sexual harassment claim? Remember when Charles Van Dyke showed up and tried to shake Jessica down for a fatter dividend check? Remember every time Daniel Hardman showed his snake face in the building? Do they just hire the most aggravated people on the planet or are the severance packages just that bad?
People Are Always Fighting In The Bathroom
Please stop. This is sacred space. Plus, the acoustics are crazy in here so why are you yelling? Here’s a quiz. How many times has Harvey punched someone in the bathroom? The answer: too many.
The Pressure To Keep Up Appearances Is Very Real
Why are half of my co-workers sponsored by Vogue? You’d have a major inferiority complex if you had to watch these walking fashion spreads parading up and down the halls every day. And not just the women — it's the guys, too. Even Mike, who’s supposed to be the down-to-earth one, must own fifty fancy suits by now. If you stack all of Harvey’s pocket squares, they would circle around the earth. That’s a fact. And don’t get us started on Jessica. The woman has never worn the same outfit twice. The whole building is probably heated by burning her old clothes.
And speaking of Jessica, be sure to check out our exclusive interview with Gina Torres!