[Warning: Contains Suits season 6 spoilers!]
Hey Suitors, ‘tis the season for giving, and after the year they’ve had, we think our favorite legal eagles deserve something special. Here’s what we’d give the Suits team this year (if we could)!
We still can’t believe you decided to quit the game and follow your happiness (and Jeff Malone) to Chicago. Well, do you, woman! We all know moving sucks though, so we’re hiring you a top-notch moving company to pack up all your stuff and renting you a big-ass truck to carry it all. Actually, better make it two trucks -- you’ve got a LOT of clothes. Bon voyage, Jessica!
Your dreams of becoming a husband and a father have finally come true -- maybe a little too quickly! Just kidding, it’s all love (Tara seems great). So, for the guy who’s about to have everything and then some, we're finding you a wedding planner who moonlights as a midwife (and a shrink who can prescribe the really good stuff, for when the bill comes).
RACHEL AND MIKE
Two birds with one stone? Sort of cheating, we know, but for obvious reasons, you two are a package deal -- plus, our imaginary pockets are only so deep. You both sure saw your share of lows (Mike going to prison) and highs (Rachel crushing law school) this year, so we're sending you on a romantic vacation. Somewhere sunny where you can indulge in a little Mike-and-Rachel time and recharge your batteries before tackling the question of what the heck you’re going to do next!
Stu, you’re a D, but you know what? You’re our D. Here’s a case of energy drinks; now get out of our life, brah.
If there is anyone on this list that just needs to cut loose, it’s you, Harvey. You spent your days fighting tooth and nail to save your foundering law firm AND stop a homicidal criminal with an axe to grind from murdering your protege in prison, plus you spent your nights listening to melancholy jazz records while sipping scotch and staring out the window of your office. Alone. Sounds… intense. Where’s the fun, H-dawg? That's why we’re giving you a stack of goofy pop records and someone to dance with. Maybe that someone could even be the next person on our list…
Fielding Mike’s calls from prison; lending a shoulder to Rachel during Mike’s incarceration; holding Louis’s hand during his all of his various shenanigans; being Harvey’s Gal Friday: Donna, you always put others before yourself this year. Of course, that’s nothing new for you, Red, but it kind of breaks our heart that your stab at a life outside of your work family -- your relationship with Mitchell -- fizzled out before it really got started (we never even got to meet this mystery man). So this year, we’re giving your some time to yourself. It doesn’t matter what you do with that time -- hike K2, write a book, take up breakdancing -- because whatever it is, we know you’ll be great at it. Just do it now, before some other big emergency pops up, okay?
Gretchen, you started at Harvey’s desk, then got shuffled off to tend to Louis’s needs, and now they’ve got you playing receptionist for the whole damn firm. Well, today that comes to an end -- we’re making you managing partner! Sorry, that was a bad joke. We don’t have that kind of power and it seems like the future of the firm is still kind of up in the air. Instead, we’ll book you a foot massage and keep our fingers crossed that whatever happens next, it doesn’t involve you shuffling off yet again.
Like any IT guy worth his salt, you didn’t abandon your firm when they needed you most, even though most of them can’t remember your name. So Benjamin, for you, 15 uninterrupted minutes and a fresh egg McMuffin. You’ve earned it.
USA Network and Suits wish you a very safe and happy holiday season! Get ready for 2017 with the official Louis Litt calendar: Songs in the Key of Litt!