JULY 27, 2007
CENTRAL COAST PHARMACEUTICALS: A HISTORY

Like most of the people I encounter out on my route, I'm sure you'd like to know a little more about my other employer, Central Coast Pharmaceuticals. It's true that I've written in this space quite extensively about the art and science of commerce as it pertains to the territorial sales rep, but believe me, that's only the tip of the pharmaceutical iceberg. The origins and history of Central Coast Pharmaceuticals is a fascinating epic in and of itself, and as the company's unofficial historian, I'm happy to share this compelling story. So buckle up, pharmaphiles – you're in for the ride of your life!

The story of Central Coast Pharmaceuticals is the story of one man – Konstantin Vladmir Yuri Gagarin Sidarov, who came to California in 1849 to escape the harsh winters of his native Siberia. At that time, the new state of California was in the throes of the Gold Rush, and the 19-year-old Sidarov was eager to get a little gold under his fingernails. But the life of a prospector is a grueling and competitive enterprise and Sidarov soon discovered that his panning efforts yielded very little gold, but brought a motherlode of chafing to his nether regions. It would be another few months before he would learn enough English to discreetly discuss this matter with his fellow 49ers, but when he did, Sidarov learned that the condition that came to be known as "Miner's Hind" was something of a universal affliction among the miners, who simply endured the discomfort, for lack of any known treatment.

The next day, Sidarov set up a makeshift laboratory, and with the help of his two assistants, Tran Ngoc and Patsy Ann, began formulating a remedy from the extracts of local plants. It was a trial and error process, the young Russian was no botanist and knew nothing of rural California's abundance of toxic herbs, and after many uncomfortable weeks testing his mixtures on himself and his assistants, he finally struck paydirt – pharmaceutically speaking.

Dr. Yuri's Tonic Elixir and Skin Healant (later known as Thromoboxocil) was a sensation and made Sidarov, who had no medical training, a revered figure in nascent 19th century healthcare industry and a hero in the mining community. After all, with chafing no longer a problem, the hardy treasure hunters of early California were free to continue the vainglorious endeavor that endowed the Golden State with its nickname and captured the imagination of the world.

The ensuing years would see Sidarov elevated from hero to legend. After marrying both of his assistants (and then being forced to divorce Tran Ngoc after polygamy was outlawed in California), Sidarov established Central Coast Pharmaceuticals in Santa Barbara. He was 29. By this time the fledgling pharmaceutical concern, the first of its kind in the western United States, boasted a slate of products, including Flormodex, for treatment of whooping cough, Ploxocillox, for gingivitis, and Qorfolis, a revolutionary drug designed to battle diseases that hadn't yet been discovered.

Of course, no great success story is without scandals, and Central Coast Pharmaceuticals would weather its share. First, in the spring of 1946, when it was revealed that the company's popular wonderdrug Vultramil was just maple syrup, and then just six years later, when the granddaughter of spurned Sidarov co-wife Ngoc Tran sued for damages and was awarded a fifty one percent share in the company's stock.

Ironically, it would be Tran who would steer Central Coast Pharmaceuticals through the last half of the 20th century and establish the company as an industry leader. Today, Central Coast Pharmaceuticals is a trusted manufacturer of myriad prescription and over the counter medications, including Harfalyx, Ormoryx, Turgovox, and many other medicines ending in "x."

Believe me, I could go on, but I might just overload you to the point where you need treatment. Don't worry, you're safe. If you do need treatment you know Central Coast Pharmaceuticals has a drug for it.

Want to know more? Ask your doctor.