OCTOBER 31, 2006
DANISH IS NOT DUTCH
SOLVANG, CA

What do clogs, folk dancers, and danishes have in common? No, that's not meant to be a joke. I'm seriously asking. Do you know?

On a recent trip to the Danish town of Solvang, CA, we had difficulty deciphering Danish from Dutch. Save it, I know the easy answer—Danes are from Denmark and the Dutch are from Holland. But why would a town that is supposedly "all things Danish" purposely try to throw me off by mixing in a little Dutch? Clogs, for instance, are not Danish! They're Dutch! But yet Solvang boasts a huge clog store, and the town's very own Danish Maid wears them! What gives?

As I investigated further -- a visit to Wikipedia -- I only became more confused. So, rather than be confused, I decided to just offer my own hypothesis. And let me just add that based on a lot of circumstantial evidence, I believe this to be the truth ...

I believe that The Danes and the Dutch got together one day and said "hey Danes, you've got the danishes and the windmills, and we've got the clogs and the very popular-amongst-the-college-crowd Dutch oven. We can both make more money off the dumb Americans, who don't know the difference between us anyway, if we just pool our souvenirs." So they flipped a coin and decided that Solvang would be a "Danish" town, and that they would go "Dutch" on the seed money and split the profits.

I know what you're thinking Sven ... "How did he know?" (I got peeps)

Jaron and I had the pleasure of being escorted through the "co-venture" town by none other than the Danish Maid 2006, Lauren Jacobsen herself. Lauren won the right to represent the town of Solvang in its annual festival from a competition of more than 8 contestants! And now she's famous! She even got recognized by a few of the locals as we strolled through the streets! Which is way more than we got.

We wanted to start the day off on the right foot, so we got ourselves a pair of clogs (you see what I did there? Foot/clog combo? Mark of a writer ... of the high school gazette). Had I known that clogs are nearly impossible to walk in on cobblestone sidewalks, I would have made the Cloggery my last stop instead of my first. You live and learn.

We managed to narrowly avoid several potential twisted ankles as we headed to the pastry shop. (I wonder if some Danish dude just rolled over in his grave because I called it a "pastry shop?" "Pastry", of course being named after the Earl of Paste, who of course defeated Danish King Custard in the much-studied Battle of Baker's Field, which of course resulted in the Danes no longer being allowed to call any "bakery items" anything other than just a "Danish" -- something they now take pride in (but still harbor resentment towards people who eat patries). But, of course you already knew that.

After Jaron tried one of every danish in Solvang, Lauren took us to see a personal favorite—the town's folk dancers. Scandinavian folk dancing dates back to the turn of the century (15th, I believe), and let's just say that becoming a dancer in this troop isn't exactly a popular choice among the kids (and by kids I mean all the way up to 60). Despite the age gap between the dancers and us, Jaron and I still managed to pick up a few new dance moves to add to our palate.

It was getting relatively late. (I say "relative" because the curfew in Solvang is 4:00pm—legend has it that a vampire once confused the town's name with Transylvania and spent the night there, wreaking havoc on tons of unsuspecting Danes—not to be confused with dames, although I'm sure the vampire probably did). We said our goodbyes to Lauren and hit the road.

Solvang is a charming town full of character and Lauren is a Solvang character full of charm. (Seriously, I just came up with that on the spot. But isn't it good?). I'm starting to think it's not wise to write blogs at 2am. Anyway, I just want to say that we always have time for charming characters like Lauren. ("And why is that Bob?") Because all characters are welcome.

Even you, Sven.

Past Entries:

• (10/25) Pali Adventure Camp
• (10/18) From Birds to Ligers
• (10/11) The Man Behind the Mascot
• (10/3) Top Banana