DECEMBER 21, 2006
BOYS AND DOLLS DON'T MIX

As a general rule, I do not excel in (and therefore do not particularly enjoy) any sport in which my feet are not firmly planted on the ground. An example of such a sport would be roller-skating (I always had a "sprained ankle" at roller rink parties when I was a kid.)

So it should come as no surprise that on a recent trip to visit the LA Derby Dolls to meet our character Markie D. Sod, I wasn't exactly jazzed about getting out on the track.

I suck at skating when I'm not on a banked track and not being shoved by other people. Add in the fact that these "people" were girls and it was almost more than my ego could take. Perhaps they're ladies off the track, but on the track they mean business. And being that I'm SUCH a gentleman, it took me all of 3 seconds to be comfortable enough to push them back.

Roller Derby isn't just about knocking people down. There are actual rules. But I'm pretty sure those rules are just a big excuse to deck people on the rink. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that it all started with people knocking each other down and then one of them said, "Hey wait, I have an idea. What if we make it so that you get points for knocking someone down?" Then someone else chimed in "What if the challenge is to not let one person get passed the rest of us?" And so on and so on until roller derby was officially created.

Apparently there's a rule against actually pushing people. No doubt that came from too many people getting hurt. The rule is you can't use your hands, but rather your shoulders and upper arm to bump each other. I don't know about you, but when I'm about to fall while on skates I will grab, push, pull, yank, or whatever else I have to do to not fall -- and that's when I'm not playing roller derby! So needless to say, I did not follow the above rules and literally shoved and yanked people in my way at will.

Yes. I cheated.

But while it was fun for me to come in and break the rules and push girls down (and get decked myself on more than one occasion) I couldn't help but wonder what type of person would do this on a regular basis?

Markie D. Sod, who is a sex therapist by day, says she does it for the rush. Some of the other girls said they do it for the camaraderie, some for the stress relief, some simply because it's different. I didn't have to ask Tara Armov ("Tear an arm off") why she plays. The six-foot-something brute was obviously there do invoke pain. Just ask Jaron.

One thing all the girls share in common is they do not see playing roller derby as a gimmick. They take the sport seriously and come out to win. And anyone who can put so much passion into skating around a track for the sole purpose of inflicting pain on someone else is a character. And all characters are welcome. Even rough ones.

Past Entries:

• (12/12) Chris Young
• (12/7) Air Apparent
• (11/30) I Break for Gio
• (11/9) Geek Cubed
• (10/31) Danish is Not Dutch
• (10/25) Pali Adventure Camp
• (10/18) From Birds to Ligers
• (10/11) The Man Behind the Mascot
• (10/3) Top Banana